its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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