also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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