he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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