I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
she smelled like a LAN party
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
