A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
