so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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