what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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