I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
