Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Randomize
