Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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