Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
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When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
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Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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