Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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