First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Couch. On fire.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
