Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
