If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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