Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize