I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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