He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
