my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize