I'm passing your future prison.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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