i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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