i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
