I think I can smell my own vagina right now
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
