Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
3 2 1 whiskey
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
