She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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