Your face is a jimmy john
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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