I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
