Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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