My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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