3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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