I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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