Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
