some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
