Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
