GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
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I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
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I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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