I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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