I met the friendliest cop last night
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
