Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
