I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
