PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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