well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
