Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
