there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
