I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
