best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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