Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
