My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
