I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
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ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
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Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
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i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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