I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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