when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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