Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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