Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
