I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
