Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
