Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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