I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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