just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
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you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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