It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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