loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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