You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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